Written March13, 2008

Okay, I hope this doesn’t personally offend any of you who this may apply to. Wait, on the other hand, who am I kidding? I think that if you know me well enough to be on my friend’s list and read this, then you already know my possition on spoiled children, wimpy parenting and that I, myself, don’t have all the answers. So read ahead with caution if you have spoiled children or are a wimpy parent.
So lots of new vehicles now come equipt with a DVD player for multiple children in the backseat. And if your car/truck/SUV doesn’t have it, you can buy one and stick it to the back of the seat. HUH??? What happened to "I Spy" or "Tick-Tack-Toe" or "The License Plate Game?" And really, how often do most people drive 5 hours to grandma’s house to warrant such a devise in the car? Not that often! What has happened to us as a society that our children need to be entertained, juggled and coddled 24 hours a day? And how did this new breed of parents get this way? Is it just that technoledgy has pushed us in that direction? Is it that it’s hotter outside now than it was when we were kids, therefore we can’t possibly expect (much less, require) our children to play outside on a hot day? Is it that children are smarter now and petty car games are so beneath them? OR is it b/c we are just too lazy, unenvolved or wimpy to deal with listening to them whine? "No, my little darling is such an angle! I just can’t stand to let him/her be unhappy or bored. It breaks my heart!" Again, HUH? I got news for you: Kids are all brats at some time or another. Yes, even mine! The thing is that you have to not just let, but force them to use their imagination and be by themselves sometimes. This time alone, not only lets them get to know their own skin, but it prepares them for the life that lay ahead of them. And don’t give me that whole, "Children have plenty of time to be adults. It is my job to make sure that they are worry-free now." I agree that there are definitely things that kids should be sheltered from in order for them to have a healthy and fun childhood. However, if a parent acts as the 24 hour entertainment commitee, children are just going to become spoiled adults who expects the world to fall at their feet.
Disapline is the same way, but I don’t think myspace has enoughspace for my take on that. I’ll just say that I am so sick of the term, "Boys will be boys!" to explain a grossly misbehaving kid. Yes, boys will be boys... that is why they have parents to give them boundaries and stucture so they can become men. Otherwise, we will look up and have a generation of 35 year old boys, still playing grab-ass and living with binge drinking roomies.
I know this: there are certain things Clark and I see everyday that would get my daughters slapped (not litterally, but pretty darn close) so fast their heads would spin. 1) Mumbling to the waitress or ignoring her b/c their face is in a PSP while she’s trying to take their order. Do you think she’s there b/c she loves people? No, she’s there b/c she’s trying to put food on her table. Make kids be vocal and respectful and thank God that you aren’t depending on a tip earned by ass-kissing the customer’s 6 year old. 2) Biting, hitting, kicking, etc another kid. I am amazed at how often I see Sophie get pummeled at the park or a birthday party by a kid whose parent is nearby just watching. Sure, most of them point their finger and issue a stern (hah), "Now Corey-Jake, what have I told you?" But that’s not enough. Sophie still remembers the b-day party we were at 6 MONTHS AGO when she bit another kid and we left immediately after I made her appologize to the kid and the parent. When we got home at 7:pm, she went straight to bed. Sure she screamed for an hour and kicked the wall before she fell asleep. But now when I tell her we are going to a party she says, "We can stay for cake, cause I not gonna hurt aaannnybody, okay!"
Don’t misunderstand. I am NOT a perfect mother. Anyone who’s been to my house can testify that Sophie has more chairs in the living room than the adults, and my house is in a constant state of "after the huricane." There are questions I have no clue how to answer. For example, I still don’t have a word for what to call "down there." She’s 2, almost potty trained and there’s no word. She actually once called it her "front booty." My mother used the term "sue-sue" and to this day that term and the name "Sue" makes my skin absolutely crawl! I don’t wanna jump right in with "vagina," but can’t find a substitute that isn’t either corney like crazy or just gross. I’m open to suggestions. Also, I have no clue what to do or say when she puts me on the spot in public. Usually, on the spot is where I operate at peak-perfomance. But not with Sophie. When she screams in line at the grocery store, "Mommy, let me see your boobs! I WANNA SEE YOUR BOOBIES RIGHT NOW! PLEASE!!!" or when we go to a restaurant and she orders "Beer in a kid’s cup, please." (Seriously) I almost die and then explain (audibly for all within earshot) that she knows she’s not allowed to drink beer. Beer is for responsible adults only and would she like lemonade?" There was also the time that I tried to explain what Mexican food was so that it would sound fun. I told her that every country has it’s own type of food and we are going to eat food that comes from Mexico... the food of the Mexican people! The guy came to take our order and I tried to order her a taco. She screamed, "NO, I don’t want a taco. I want to eat Mexican people!" How do you get out of that one?

Why Boycotting Gas Stations Won't Bring Down Prices

Written March 13, 2008

There’s an email circulating about how to get gas prices down. It says that we need to stop buying from one particular head-honcho gas company. Here’s the problem, gas companies buy gas from each other. So the idea about not buying form Exxon/Mobile won’t work, b/c if we don’t buy their gas at the price they ask, they will just sell it to Shell, Mac’s, Pilot, Delta, BP, etc.
THE ONE AND ONLY WAY to get gas prices down is to truly stop buying in the quantity that we do from ALL gas companies. This means buying the Escape, Acadia or CR-V that gets 25mpg, instead of the Hummer or Explorer that may get 15mpg. It means not just driving around for the hell of it. It means multitasking and consolidating your errands. It means buying gasoline during the coolest time of day - early morning or late evening is best, b/c the cooler the gas is the denser it is. (Keep in mind - gas pumps measure the weight of how much gas you buy, not actually how much gas goes into your car. If you buy it when it’s not as thick, you get more gas for the same price.) It even means (gasp!) carpooling or running errands with friends, so you only use the one car.
If half of the Americans who drive vehicles that get less than 20 mpg would trade in for a vehicle that gets more than 20mpg, oil companies would be forced to slash prices. The problem is that Americans place more importance on image and instant gratification than substance and long-term reward. Who cares if we’re broke and our children will have to live in a world with protective breathing equiptment and UV protectant clothes, just so long as we look good now and have built in DVD players of each person in the vehicle, right? Wrong! We need to get it together and get our priorities in order... which brings me to another subject. See separate blog, as it’s slightly unrelated.

My Beef with Sanitizing

Written October 7, 2007
The following was brought on by a visit to Sophie's doctor for a check up. Sophie's pediatrician was my pediatrician when I was young, so he's been doing this a long time. He told us that he sees so many more kids for common cold and asthma now than he did 10 years ago... at least, double. He blames sanitze this, sanitize that attitudes by parents. Here's my plan.
I refuse to sanitize. I want my family to have the immune system of a 95 year old hitchhiker. That way if the terrorists ever invade with viruses, we'll be the ones left to repopulate America and it will be a smarter place. (I have one other family in with me on this, so no, incest will not be playing a role in my plan for world domination.)
But seriously, what's up with the germ phobia thing? Are Americans so gullible that they have allowed commercial advertising to convince them they will die if they don't have CLOROX disinfecting wipes on every counter and PURELL hand sanitiser in every pocket? And don't tell me that viruses are worse and germs are bigger than when we were kids. If you had seen some of the things I did, places I went and stuff I ate when I was a kid, you'd be shocked that I haven't morphed into a walking poison symbol. But guess what-- I never got sick. And by "never" I mean I can think of chicken pox, 3 or 4 colds and 2 stomach viruses in 18 years. That means I spent a total of no more than about 30 days sick in 18 years. Stephen too. He had migranes from an early age, but other than that, the kid never got sick. And he was a dirty little dude, let me tell you!
My point, we have immune systems. If they aren't allowed to do their job by fighting illness, b/c you fight it for them, then when something big hits, you're toast... REALLY sick, maybe dead, toast.

Something truly amazing at 37,000 feet

Written October 1, 2007

I saw the most amazing thing on Saturday night. Clark and I were working a flight from Oakland, CA to Chicago, IL. It's a long flight, so I went up to the cockpit to take the pilots some coffe and talk for a bit. I had been up there for about 15 minutes, and I have no idea what time it was. I actually saw the moon rise at 41,000 feet. It was nothing short of breathtaking! It's different from seeing the sun set or moon rise from the ground, it's almost like watching it come up over water, but they were clouds and instead of appearing from top to bottom in a half-circle, then circle; it happened like the stages of the moon. Quarter moon that looked like a "C", then half-moon, then 3/4 "C" moon, then full moon. It was wild.
For people who do not like to fly or have never flown, these are the types of things I can't explain. They are the most awe-inspiring and humbling things witness. There is no other place in the world that confirms the presence of a higher power- call him/her/it by whatever name you'd like- like being in an airplane and looking down at the world below and out at the clouds and not being able to fathom what's above. And, for me, it reinforces the religous beliefs that I hold true and am teaching my daughter: that this presence wants us to have our heart's desires and know that we are worthy because we are His children, no begging, no pleading, no special candles or specific church affiliation needed. God is love and we are ALL worthy of it.

THE DEATH OF THE FAT SKIRT

Written June 27, 2007

So, hopefully, you have read the blog about my "fat skirt swimsuit." If you haven't, then go read that one first, and trust me it's worth it! Well, I am here to tell you today that I HAVE SHED THE FAT SKIRT! Yes, that's right... I am back in a bikini! But not just any bikini... I am back in my zebra bikini.
I bought this one just before the summer of 2001. I had just begun exploring other options, after coming to the realization that college was NOT my pathway to gainful employment. In fact, if I had to sit in one more classroom for one more minute, I was going to freak out. I was not in the mood to learn, I was in the mood to live. So I bought the bikini that I hoped would serve me well during my summer of whatever may lay ahead. It did. I dedided to be a flight attendant for 6 months so that I could travel the country and decide where I wanted to be. Well, in a very round about way, that is exactly what happened. Granted my tenure with Southwest Airlines has lasted a bit more than 6 months... and thank God for that, because I don't know what else I'm good at. I get paid to flirt, mix drinks and stay in hotels on beaches... WHAT A JOB, RIGHT! Well, I met my husband and we did indeed travel around and decide where we wanted to be... Mississippi. Yep, right back home. (And boy was that result a shocker!) We've lived all over and we LOVE our house, our neighbors, our family and friends. And just like I said in my FSS blog... I wanted to look like I feel. Well, for the first time in a while, I feel great about how I look and feel... and I do it while wearing a Zebra-print bikini!

Ode to the LEIs

Written September 4, 2006

Are you one of those people who have been fortunate enough to find "Your Jeans?" You know, the jeans that fit your butt like they were sewn on, but still allow you to breathe and sit. You don't have to lie down to button them and they are worn in from day one. I once had such a pair of jeans. They were my faded LEI jeans and I acquired them in the 10th grade. I had my jeans from then until August 2004... that's right, my LEIs were faithful for over 8 years! They were the kind of jeans that made wives slap their husbands as I passed and incurred numerous marriage proposals on the first date-- Okay, so that last stuff was stretched a bit, but they were hot. I have a guy friend (straight) who remembers exactly what I was wearing down to the namebrand the first time he ever saw me. Most men can't close their eyes and tell you what color their current shirt is, much less what a woman was wearing the first time he saw her. THAT WAS THE POWER OF THE LEIS. Anyway, the pockets ripped right off of them one day, and now I spend my days praying that somewhere, someday I might have the pleasure of finding replacements. So far, no luck. I would like to take a moment of silence to remember my jeans of the past.
R.I.P my sweet LEI Jeans

Fat Skirt Swimsuits and the like

Written August 2, 2006
So, I'm discontented. Not with my life, my husband, my child, my job or any other list of things that cause most people to be discontented. I am discontented with my bodyweight... or rather the distribution of it.
I am not fat, but I am not skinny. I am not flabby or muscular. I did, however, have to buy a "fat skirt swimsuit" (FSS) this summer. You know what I am talking about: the tank top and the boy-cut shorts with the skirt over it so that it covers all the correct places to cover up the fat. That was pretty disheartening. I almost didn't do it, thinking that once I went "there," I may not come back. I would like to say that I refuse to forever live in the land of The Fat Skirt Swimsuit. But is that really logical? I have one child and will eventually have 1 or 2 more. I looked good, as a pregnant chick. (Well, as good as one can look, with an achy back, sore feet and the inability to see her vigina even if offered a million dollars and world peace.) But even under those conditions, I felt good, somehow. Now, I have lost the baby weight and still somehow am not asthetically my old self. I know that it can be done... I see hot mamas all over the place. I would like to say I have tried everything short of surgery... which may not be far from the last child I have! Exercise, check. Everyone says that when you establish a routine and get the hang of it, you will never be able to live without it! To those people I say this: GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200. Clark and I worked out for months on a regular routine. Same time, same place, every week. And I mean HARD! No wussie stuff. We had a personal trainer who kicked our asses for 2 hours a day, 3 days a week. I always felt like crap and I always wanted to quit. Worst of all, I didn't see any results. So I did quit. I'm not saying I want instant gratification. I just want to know that I'm not wasting my time after feeling like I wanted to die for 3 solid months.
Now, I am a reasonable person. I don't want to look like a 20 year old groupie in jeans low enough that everyone can see my ass crack. (Been there, done that... it's not that great.) I also don't want people to see me and think, "WOW! That girl had her glory days in high school!" Because I did not! Not at all! I have come SO far since HS. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and our daughter more than life, a great relationship with my parents, a nice house, fun job, the works! I just want to look like I live. THAT'S IT! (Do you ever not know the point of something until it just types itself in front of you or runs out of your mouth without notice?) I WANT TO LOOK LIKE I LIVE! BETTER THAN GREAT... OUTSTANDING!!! (PS. This cannot be accomplished while wearing a FSS. Alas, I continue my journey to shed it.)

Dr. Cool, You Gotta be Kiddin' Me!

So Clark and I had dentist appointments today. Our dentist is the most supercoolest guy, and so I don't mind going... even though I always get lectured by Josie, the dental assistant, on the proper way to floss. Anyway, I digress: A year ago, I told Dr. Cool that I thought my teeth were shifting. I told him that they just didn't feel like my teeth, anymore. He told me he thought I was crazy, because he couldn't see anything but perfectly striaght teeth by looking at me. He humored me and took some extra x-rays, though. He came back and, low and behold, I am not crazy! He said that, indeed, it did appear that my teeth had oh-so-very-hardly-even-slightly shifted, since the last x-rays. He said that the difference was so slight that he could barely tell with the x-rays and is really surprised that I notice anything, at all. But I did, and a shift is a shift, damn it! They feel funky to my toungue! He basically told me to get something for OCD and be on my way, b/c it would be foolish to spend $ to fix something so miniscule. FINE... WHATEVER, DR. COOL!
WEHEHEHEHELL! Today, after having my teeth cleaned and being lectured by the aformentioned Josie, in walks Dr. Cool. He examines me teeth and gives me the all-clear. He looks at me almost expectantly as I remind him of my teeth-shifting saga of the year-previous. He remembers. I tell him that lately my top teeth really don't feel straight. He confirms that, yes, I was right. After this year's x-rays, he sees a more prominent "show of crowding up top." But does he stop there? No way, Jack! He tells me that if it isn't corrected before it becomes a real problem then I will have to wear the braces for a longer amount of time. Well, okay, if you say s........... WAIT! HOLD THE PHONE! Did he say, "Braces?" Because I didn't sign up for that. I was thinking, something more along the lines of a retainer that I would just pop in at night for a month or so and VIOLLA! Perfectly striaght teeth, just like always and no one but Clark gets to see me in all my post-prepubescent glory. Dr. Cool now tells me that it won't be a big deal, b/c it won't take too long to correct and these days they make braces you can't even see.
There's just one problem there: SW Trailways (the company I do love working for) offers 2 dental plans: 1) The Spiffy plan that will pay for spiffy stuff. and 2) The Basic plan that pays for basic stuff. You will never guess which one we have. Yep, so if you make fun my impending metal mouth, I will beat the hell out of you and I won't feel bad about it.