Fat Skirt Swimsuits and the like

Written August 2, 2006
So, I'm discontented. Not with my life, my husband, my child, my job or any other list of things that cause most people to be discontented. I am discontented with my bodyweight... or rather the distribution of it.
I am not fat, but I am not skinny. I am not flabby or muscular. I did, however, have to buy a "fat skirt swimsuit" (FSS) this summer. You know what I am talking about: the tank top and the boy-cut shorts with the skirt over it so that it covers all the correct places to cover up the fat. That was pretty disheartening. I almost didn't do it, thinking that once I went "there," I may not come back. I would like to say that I refuse to forever live in the land of The Fat Skirt Swimsuit. But is that really logical? I have one child and will eventually have 1 or 2 more. I looked good, as a pregnant chick. (Well, as good as one can look, with an achy back, sore feet and the inability to see her vigina even if offered a million dollars and world peace.) But even under those conditions, I felt good, somehow. Now, I have lost the baby weight and still somehow am not asthetically my old self. I know that it can be done... I see hot mamas all over the place. I would like to say I have tried everything short of surgery... which may not be far from the last child I have! Exercise, check. Everyone says that when you establish a routine and get the hang of it, you will never be able to live without it! To those people I say this: GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200. Clark and I worked out for months on a regular routine. Same time, same place, every week. And I mean HARD! No wussie stuff. We had a personal trainer who kicked our asses for 2 hours a day, 3 days a week. I always felt like crap and I always wanted to quit. Worst of all, I didn't see any results. So I did quit. I'm not saying I want instant gratification. I just want to know that I'm not wasting my time after feeling like I wanted to die for 3 solid months.
Now, I am a reasonable person. I don't want to look like a 20 year old groupie in jeans low enough that everyone can see my ass crack. (Been there, done that... it's not that great.) I also don't want people to see me and think, "WOW! That girl had her glory days in high school!" Because I did not! Not at all! I have come SO far since HS. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and our daughter more than life, a great relationship with my parents, a nice house, fun job, the works! I just want to look like I live. THAT'S IT! (Do you ever not know the point of something until it just types itself in front of you or runs out of your mouth without notice?) I WANT TO LOOK LIKE I LIVE! BETTER THAN GREAT... OUTSTANDING!!! (PS. This cannot be accomplished while wearing a FSS. Alas, I continue my journey to shed it.)